How To Find Joy and Stay Resilient When the World Feels Heavy
It’s been a tough few years for many. At a global level, we’re battling a pandemic, senseless wars, climate change, forest fires, heartbreaking headlines, and on and on. On an individual level, life is full of challenges for each of us. It would be really easy to put up a sign that says No More and stay under the covers. But, somehow we keep moving. We figure out how to stay resilient during tough times and find joy when the world seems a bit heavy.
What are the tricks to navigating through difficult times and keeping our spirits up? I’ve spoken with others, read a few books on resilience, and have a few personal strategies that may be helpful. For me, it’s an ongoing process with daily reminders.
Don’t Watch TV News
This is a biggie. Gone are the days of Walter Cronkite, objective reporting, and just-give-me-the-facts news. TV news has become an entertainment business and what sells is bad news, breaking news, and catastrophizing. Too much news can weigh you down and increase your level of fear, which is at the root of most anxiety.
While it’s important to stay current with world events, it’s better to read a high-quality online or print newspaper that ranges from the skews left to neutral to skews right range (chart here). That said, too much of any news can weigh you down. It can be too much for anyone to shoulder events that are largely outside of our control. It’s important to find just the right balance between staying informed and getting consumed with too much information. Setting a daily time limit for reading news may be helpful to achieving balance.
Stop Catastrophizing
The sky is falling! The end is near! Catastrophizing is when our thoughts take us into an active anxiety spiral to the worst-case scenario, a catastrophe. TV news and online click-bait news can make this worse, as well as group think focused on negative events. Experts suggest taking a deep breath and saying Stop out loud. Then, focus on what is versus what if. The dismal possibilities take us down a hole of negativity that do little to solve the troubling issue and only create stress for ourselves.
If there is a world event that’s pretty heavy, many find solace with the words from Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers): ‘When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”’
Seek Positive News
Mainstream news focuses on problems. At the same time, our brains have a negative bias. We are biologically designed to sense danger and react to it. The problem is that if we stay in that negative mode, our brains rewire and focus on the negative, the bad. It’s like a car accident. We rubber neck because we just have to look. But, just like news, you can’t unsee it.
It’s helpful to offfset the impact of mainstream news with positive news. Yep, it does exist. Check out positive news sources such as Good News Network, Positive News, Happy News, and Gimundo. On Instagram, Good News Movement (@goodnews_movement) is a journalist-run good news only page with no politics. With over 3 million followers, it always brings a smile or a happy tear.
Part of the Human Experience
Throughout history, there have been wars, famines, devastating weather, pandemics, and the like. It’s the sad part of the human experience, for sure. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I found comfort knowing that others before us endured similar, and without modern day conveniences like WiFi, remote work, food delivery, and Amazon! The 1918 Spanish flu took between 25 and 50 million deaths. And, all wars are horrible, but today’s are less deadlier than in prior centuries. WWII alone took between 56 and 85 million lives. Each life is precious, but one look at Wikipedia’s list of wars by death toll and one realizes what we are enduring today is far less than those who came before us.
Perhaps it’s a strange comparison to have past tragedies make us feel less horrible about current tragedies, but a glimpse back in time makes us realize that life has always been filled with good and bad. After all, we are part of the human race and utopias have never existed.
You’re Not Alone
When problems occur, it’s easy to feel pretty alone. However, we are never alone. Everyone has problems, but some people are better at hiding them or not verbalizing them than others. There is comfort in knowing that others are facing the same challenge and that you’re not the only one experiencing this.
Exercise and Hobbies
If bad news and challenges are the disease, exercise is the medication. Whatever your form of exercise, it serves as a stress reliever. Being active boosts your feel-good endorphins and distracts us from worries. A simple walk can improve our mood, help us to relax, and put things that weigh us down into perspective. I’m a life-long walker and am thankful for this almost daily practice.
Hobbies also provide a positive diversion and offer real benefits during the process of making, creating and building. When we make things we create a perfect symphony between our mind and our hands, keeping our brains healthy and promoting psychological well-being. When we create things we are changing the neurochemistry of our brain. And, above all, it’s downright fun and a source of joy.
Define Your Day
When you wake up, smile and tell yourself it’s going to be an awesome day! Define your morning and determine the best way to kick off your day. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Carefully evaluating how you want to start your day and spend your time lays the foundation for the day ahead.
Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, suggests that we make our bed every morning. This small, simple step creates outer order and starts the day off right. Others suggest thinking of three things you’re grateful for, doing a short meditation, and stretching exercises. On the not-a-good-idea list are checking our phones (is there an emergency?!?), reading the news, pouring through emails (what fires are there?), and jumping on our computers.
Avoid Those with Negativitis
In the words of motivational speaker Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The people you hang with influence what conversations dominate your attention. Although it’s normal to talk about challenges and there’s nothing like a good friend during troubled times, there are those who suffer from a condition known as negativitis. And in their world, misery truly does love company.
Negativitis sufferers focus primarily on the bad, challenges, and what’s wrong with the world. They whine and complain about things they can’t change or have very little control over. Major buzz kill. Negativitis spreads gloom and prevents us from seeing the good and joy around us.
Conversely, upbeat, positive people can have the opposite effect and be inspiring, energizing, and uplifting. It’s not that positive people don’t discuss their problems (they do), it’s just that they do so as a means to find a deeper understanding or a solution. It’s effective complaining, with the goal being to potentially solve the problem, not solely to vent.
Keep a Gratefulness Diary
Gratitude is a powerful tool when the world feels heavy. But it’s not enough to simply decide to feel more grateful. A gratitude journal is a fantastic tool to keep track of the good things in your life. The practice of actually writing down what you’re grateful for is a powerful practice with a big impact on health and happiness. The easiest way to maintain a gratitude journal is by making it a daily habit. Maybe it’s something you do over your morning coffee, or just before bed. Make it a part of your daily routine.
Learn To Compartmentalize
The big problems gnaw at us. Often they’re the ones that keep us up at night and are often outside of our control. They sometimes cause us to ruminate and we lose our ability to maintain our focus and serenity. That’s where the gift of compartmentalization comes in. When we compartmentalize, we are putting problems and related emotions into compartments within our heads and hearts, dealing with them only when and if we need to.
Compartmentalization allows us to set problems aside and recognize them for what they are: challenges that may not be solved overnight, problems that are outside of our sphere of control, or situations that we just need to accept. If we place these problems in a box, a compartment, it’s setting them aside and not letting them get in the way of the rest of your life.
Limit Social Media
Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have their benefits, but also their dark sides. Facebook and Twitter, in particular, have become platforms that many view as avenues to vent, spread fake news, and share negative memes and current events.
Consider your social media outlets and how you feel after you’ve scrolled through your newsfeed and tweets. Taking on other people’s problems and rants can take its toll if you spend too much time on social media. If you have “friends” that use Facebook to rant or who consistently post downers, consider unfollowing them. Or even, explore whether to remain on Facebook by reading The Facebook Dilemma: Stay or Quit? Here’s How to Decide.
Books on Resilience
Lastly, there are some awesome books on building resilience that can be part of a finding joy toolkit. I have two must-read favorites. The first is Rick Hanson’s Resilient: How To Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. It is a must read (five stars on Amazon). It walks through how to build true resilience and grow strengths like grit, gratitude, and compassion.
My other recommendation is The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday (also five stars on Amazon). This book draws upon stoicism, the ancient Greek philosophy of enduring pain or adversity with perseverance and resilience. This book enjoys a permanent residence in my bedside table and is my ongoing go-to book.
